


Under Your Spell

by SouthKensingtonStn



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bewitched and bewildered Brian, Confused Roger, Eventual Smut, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Loving Freddie, M/M, References to Depression, Sarcastic Deaky
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:14:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29338131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SouthKensingtonStn/pseuds/SouthKensingtonStn
Summary: Roger's birthday is coming up but rather than being excited about a party he is depressed and doesn't want to know. It's up to Brian to figure out what's going on and stop the drummer from doing something silly.
Relationships: Brian May/Roger Taylor
Comments: 14
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

Brian thought it was kind of funny that Roger's birthday always seemed to generate far more interest than his did but then he supposed the drummer had a wider circle of friends and everyone knew that he liked to party. But the planning had started a month ago and Brian's own birthday had come and gone and Deakys birthday in August wasn't even mentioned. Oh, well.

Freddie had given the guitarist a list of friends to invite and had done the same with John who had looked at the last and chuckled to himself for some unfathomable reason.

"Just a few close friends, huh?" John rolled his eyes and the singer who was still trying to find a suitable venue rolled his eyes.

"And you better keep it secret. Both of you." He said firmly. "You know Roger. He can sniff out a plot faster than anyone I know." The older musician chuckled and went on reminiscing about previous parties when some pretty embarrassing things had gone on.

Brian and John had either heard the stories before or had been present and part of the embarrassment so they grabbed the lists and took off in different directions, each with a job to do.

Brian looked at his watch. He had a date with Chrissie and there would be hell if he missed it but even worse hell if he didn't get this done to Freddie's satisfaction so he grabbed the phone and made a tick next to the names of people he managed to get hold of.

"Rog, why so glum?" Brian was helping the drummer stow his kit in the van and secure it before they drove off to the gig in Birmingham.  
"Another, fucking birthday, that's why. I hate them. Getting older, Bri. Lines, wrinkles, flat arse. Ugh. That's what will happen." The blond lit a cigarette and stood hand on his hip frowning. I'm 24 already. It sucks."  
Rog. I'm 26 and Freddie is nearly 28. Are you insinuating we've lost are looks?" Brian chided him and gave him a playful nudge.

"I really didn't think you were that shallow, mate." Brian chuckled. But looking closer at his band mate he realised that the blond drummer was serious.

He got like that sometimes. He would joke and make fun of himself and keep everyone's spirits up or he could be the saddest boy in the room and hide away under the bedclothes with his earphones blasting his ear drums.  
Those times, Brian, who himself suffered from depression, knew to keep away and if he was really worried would drop a plate of sandwiches inside the bedroom door with a bottle of orange juice.

"Look, Rog." Brian slammed the back of the van shut and locked it. "If you want to talk, I'm here. I know what it's like to feel blue." The guitarist said softly.

"Bri, I'm sorry." The drummer looked contrite and frowned. "I'm just being selfish and I know you're there to talk to. I do appreciate it." The drummer threw away his cigarette and pushed his hands into the side pockets of his tight jeans.

"I'm just being being a brat, yeah?" He nudged the older musician who smiled and nodded but wasn't convinced that there wasn't something more serious going on.

The band were aware that there some EMI executives at the Birmingham gig so it was just about the most important one of their lives. Each member of Queen performed to perfection and no one more so than Roger who impressed his own band mates and the audience. But then, Roger always had his own fan base, mostly female and very vocal, who grouped in front of the stage and acted like cheerleaders for the band.

Brian had no idea where the execs were. They could be wearing ordinary jeans and shirts like the other's in the audience. Would hardly expect them to show up in suits. No, they would a want to blend in, of course.

They had a short break in between sets and they band had gone out the back of the auditorium for a smoke and a can each of beer. Brian found Roger sitting on a wooden crate joking with Deaky who moved away to talk to Freddie when the the guitarist nodded at him. The sign he wanted a word alone with the drummer.

"Hey." Brian upturned another crate and sat on it. "I think they're going to be impressed, Rog. "

"If they're here. How do we know?' The drummer scoffed and took a long drag on his cigarette, blowing smoke rings into the darkness.

Brian tried to make light of the evening and not that their musical lives depended on it.

"I see your fan base is here, tonight." The taller man chuckled and sipped his beer.

"Ha, yeah." Roger grinned and lit another cigarette. "At least I can count on them." He scoffed and the guitarist wondered who he was referring to that he couldn't count on.

They had booked themselves an Hotel room in Birmingham but money always being an issue they decided they would just do the two hour journey back to London and maybe stop at a fish and chip truck on the way down. They were always ravenously hungry.

Deaky was driving tonight. He seemed to cope better with night driving than the others and Freddie sat next to him as co pilot and changer of the cassette tapes. Brian and Roger sat in the back and dozed, the murmur of John and Freddie voices lulling them to sleep.

They had just passed Coventry and had another hour and 15 minutes more travelling time. Because they hadn't had enough room in the van for a few things the back seat of the van gave them less room than normal and Brian and Roger were shoulder to shoulder. So close, in fact that the guitarist could smell Roger's hair and could discern the shampoo he used.

Roger murmured in his sleep. As other cars headlights lit up the back his hair shone like gold around his face and Brian couldn't seem to not look each time it happened. It was like a game he played with himself.

"Get a grip, May." He thought and finally closed his eyes. He woke about half an hour later with the blonds head on his shoulder and a strong drummers hand gripping his jacket. He looked into the darkness at Freddie who seemed to be asleep and Deaky who was quietly singing along with the tapes. Brian pulled the old tartan blanket that they used to protect equipment from behind him and spread it over himself and the drummer before settling back to doze.

'It's getting light." John announced and as if switched on his 3 band mates woke up to see the sun rising over London, making it look quite magical. "Should be home in 15 minutes." he told them.

Roger yawned and stretched and frowned at Brian and the blanket but made no comment. He'd had a nice dream that had Brian in it but he would never tell him. Couldn't remember it, anyway. He stared out the opposite window aware he was hungry. They hadn't in the end stopped for fish and chips but John did slide the van in near an all night kiosk that catered to cabbies and truck drivers. He came back with four bacon rolls and 4 containers of coffee.

"Thanks, Deaks." Roger grinned as the bassist handed it to him. 'Mmmm." He bit into the roll, bacon juice dripping off his chin and Brian, before thinking wiped the drip away with his finger.

'Uh, thanks, Bri." Roger looked at him sideways and raised an eyebrow causing the slightly older musician to blush and look out the window closest to him. He'd forgotten himself for a moment. It must have been the closeness of the last hour but he could still feel the sense of the blond warm breath on his neck.

"Shower and bed for me." Roger announced as they shut the flat door behind them. It wa a given that Roger bagged the shower but he never took very long and always left enough hot water so they all just nodded and watched him head down the hall to his room.

Once the blond was out of ear shot Freddie asked the others how they were getting on with the list. They assured him it was taken care of and he whispered he'f found a place big enough but they would all have to contribute.

"I'm worried about our birthday boy." Freddie put the kettle on for tea and tuned to face the curly haired guitarist. "Any idea whats up with him?" Freddie yawned and sat down at the table.

"Birthday blues, I expect." Brian sighed. 'I'll talk to him later and see if there's anything serious but I think that's probably it."

"Oh, Rog. He gets better looking the older he gets. Lucky bastard." Freddie waved his hand in the air to illustrate his point.

"Yeah, well. It probably goes deeper than that, Freddie .I think Roger is a lot more serious inside than we give him credit for."

"Oh, my dear. Did you just discover that?" Freddie looked over his shoulder as he poured the hot water into the pot and was surprised to see the guitarist blush.

Brian stretched luxuriously under the covers and turned to look at the clock. It was only 6am so he'd probably only been asleep a couple of hours. But it was wonderful to know he didn't have to get up to after 12 when he would meet Chrissie for a drink at the Fox and Hound. He closed his eyes and sighed, pulling the covers over his head but opened his eyes again quickly and sat up straight.

"What the hell?" The noise coming from the drummers room went quiet. Brian shook his head and lay down again but the noise started again and threw back the covers.

"Roger!" Brian opened the drummers room and stood open mouthed as the blond wearing only pyjama bottoms was sitting on the floor surrounded by books and records in an out of their covers. He looked up at the curly haired guitarist as if he'd never seen him before and ran his fingers through his sleep messed hair, his blue eyes were unfocused and he frowned.

"And who the fuck are you?" He asked but the words didn't match the tone of his voice. It was quiet and far away sounding and Brian realised the blond was probably still asleep.

"Better get back into bed, Rog. I'll clean this up." Brian said softly and took the drummers arm to stand him up.

Obediently, the drummer got under the covers and let Brian pull them up to his shoulders.

"Night, Bri." He whispered. "It was a good gig, yeah?" He yawned.

"Yeah, it was. Really good." Brian chuckled and quickly stacked the books and records into some sort of order before leaving his sleeping band mate and going back into his own room.

For some reason, he'd picked up the drummers discarded shirt off the floor and still had it in his hand when he went to his room. He held it to his face for a few moments before laying it carefully on the chair by his desk. It seemed to take forever to fall asleep again. He had to wait for his heart to slow down.


	2. Whose scared now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian and Roger are moving in the same direction?

Brian had finally fallen asleep only to be woken again by a roll of thunder. He lay there for a few moments and counted in between the next bolt of lightening and the next blast from the sky. He could hear Freddie's voice and Roger answering him and then a yelp from the drummer when the next clap of thunder sounded like the ceiling was collapsing.

'Roger, it's only thunder. Don't be such a girl about it." Freddie's voice again.

"Now what?" Brian put his feet on the floor and ran both hands through his tangled curls. Another yelp. It really was above their head as he wandered into the living room.

"Huh?" Brian stood next to Freddie and both stared at the couch where the drummer had made a tent out of a blanket and was sitting under it.

"You talk to him." Freddie rolled his eyes and went into the kitchen. He called out. "Roger you are officially five years old, not 24."

"Brilliant." Brian sighed and lifted one end of the blanket. "Hope you're not smoking under their, Rog." He grinned.

'No." The blond frowned but I could do with one."

Another clap of thunder which made even Brian jump and Freddie swear in the kitchen.

"Move over, blondie." Brian laughed and pulled the red blanket over his head. "Quite cozy, really." He nudged the drummer who was looking much like a child who realises the grownups is more into their game.

"Bri. Now, you're being silly." The blond scoffed seeing the humour in the situation and feeling slightly embarrassed.

"I guess I am." Brian saw the irony in the remark and pulled the blanket down but something made him stop from getting up.

"I'm not having fun, anymore, Bri." Roger said it simply. No expression in his voice.

"Rog?" Brian put his head to one side and waited.

"Forget it." The drummer closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around his legs.

"Do you want to talk?" Brian asked gently but the blond shook his head and the guitarist let it go.

A few days later:

"But Freddie, Rog doesn't even want a party." John was exasperated. They had worked hard on the drummers birthday and he was adamant he wouldn't even go. The bassist was getting annoyed. He looked at Brian who was keeping quiet about it all.

"Bri? Any ideas?" Freddie looked at the taller man. They were on the roof above the flat because it was quiet and they could all sit comfortably if they wanted to some or share a few cans of beer.

"I think there's something going on with him." Brian knew he was stating the obvious. 'It's partly the age thing but I think it's deeper than that, yeah?"

"I suppose. But he won't talk about it." Freddie had known Roger a long time and he knew how stubborn he could be.

"Well, I'm done. I suggest we have the party with or without him." John leaned back against the chimney and looked at the two older musicians who nodded.

Brian had been keeping an eye on Roger for days since the thunderstorm. He had never studied psychology. But he recognised depression when he saw it. This wasn't any ordinary birthday blues or Roger acting out. Bt he didn't know what to do for his friend. He was feeling too emotionally attached to someone who had no idea he was.

"Brian?' The drummer stood in his doorway looking hesitant. Brian put down his book and smiled at him. He liked to read for a few minutes before getting up in the morning and it was going to be a hectic day.

"Are you busy?" The blond sighed as if expecting the musician to say he was.

"Of course not, Rog. Come, sit down." Brian indicated the end of the bed. The blond hesitated, then sat down.

"It's about this party thing next week." Roger was chewing on his lip. I know you've all gone to a lot of trouble."

"It's okay, Rog. If you don't want it. It's your birthday." Brian sat up straighter.

"I told you about my father, yeah?" Roger looked at him sideways then down at his feet.

"Yes. He was bit mentally unstable?" Brian nodded.

"Well, it started when he was my age, right?" Roger took a deep breath and looked into Brians eyes.

"Oh." Brian understood now. Of course. "But Rog. You're an entirely different person. You'e more like your mother and your dad did go through the war. It changes some people."

"Yeah, I guess." The blond didn't sound sure.

Brian slid over to sit next to him and put his arm around the narrow shoulders. He was surprised when the blond put his head on his shoulder and the sat like that for a few moments. Brian couldn't have moved away if he had wanted to and he really didn't want tp. He closed his eyes and for a few seconds wished this moment could just go on.

Roger lifted his head but didn't move away. Brian hesitated a moment. It was a tense moment but it was broken when Freddie called out that the coffee was ready.

"I thought you were going to stay at Adele's for a few days, Rog." Freddie scanned the newspaper headlines as he talked. When there was no answer he frowned and looked at the drummer who was staring into his coffee mug. The singer looked at Brian and shrugged his shoulders.

"Rog. What's up mate?" The singer pulled a strand of blond hair to get the drummers attention but the blue eyes weren't even focused and Freddie got a bad feeling about what was going on. Brian shook his head, pretending he didn't know either. But he thought he did.

"Morning!" John was watching the little scene from the doorway. He gave Roger an extra long look and then at the two other musicians.

"Rog, what are you sulking about now?" He laughed and all three musicians stared at him. It was the wrong thing to say but John quickly got it and went over to his friend and ruffled his hair.

"Sorry, Rog. I'm not awake yet. Shouldn't have said that." The bassist apologised and then left it as he turned to get a mug from the cupboard.

Roger sighed and got up without speaking and left the kitchen.

"Shit." John frowned and looked worried. 'I didn't mean to upset him." He put down the mug and followed his friend out to the living room where the blond was standing by the window.

"Rog?" He put a gentle hand on the bare shoulder. Blue eyes looked at him and sadly and the brunette pulled him close by the shoulder and hugged him. It was all he could think of doing.

The next evening

"He doesn't laugh or joke or make dumb remarks, anymore." Freddie lamented. "He's like a robot or something. No feelings!' Freddie sighed and wiped the beer froth from his mouth. "I think we better cancel this party. He probably won't even show up."

"Come on, Freddie. You know, Rog. He'll be expecting a party and will sulk if you cancel." John privately thought Roger was being a dick but then maybe there really was something going on inside the blonds head.

******

"Lets take a break." Freddie pulled off his earphones and nodded at Brian who did the same. It seemed like everyone had been a beat behind today except John who waited patiently to see what they were doing next. Every so often he would send an anxious look over his shoulder at Roger who was out sorts and moody. Just a normal drummer day, really.

"Rog? Wanna coffee, mate?" John called over towards the drummer and heard two beats on the bass drum.

"Thats's a yes?" John called over again and the cymbals crashed. "Yes." John muttered under his breath.

"Here, I'll take it back to him." Brian took the paper cup from John and headed back to the studio where Roger was sitting on the drum riser, holding a pair of drumsticks between his legs and staring at nothing, apparently.

"Here, Rog." Brian sat down next to him and watched the drummer put the sticks down and take the coffee.

"Thanks, Bri." The blond sighed and sipped the hot liquid. 'Not bad." he looked surprised.

"Do you want to talk about anything?" Brian asked softly. He was getting really concerned now but the blond gave him a frown and shook his head as if he didn't know that he'd been acting strangely for days now.

"What would I want to talk about?" He asked vaguely and the guitarist realised the drummer knew exactly what he was talking about but if he didn't want to talk, he didn't.

Hours later Brian was woken by another late summer thunderstorm. There was a lot of rain with this one and and after one flash of lightening the next clap of thunder sounded like a tree had fallen over. Seconds later, a sleepy Roger was in his door way , looking terrified.

"What was that?" He stared at Brian's form in the darkness and the taller man got up and looked out the window. "Fuck, a tree's come down across the street. Hit someone's car." Brian shook his head and looked back over his shoulder at the drummer who looked like a tall child in his pyjamas and the mess of blond hair.

"Bri, can I.." He left the rest unsaid as Brian just nodded and he'd back the covers for the blond to get in next to him in the double bed. The drummer slid in and pressed his back into the wall and pulled a pillow over his head.

Brian chuckled and rolled his eyes but knew the drummers fear was obviously real. He pulled the covers over them both and closed his eyes but couldn't sleep. It sounded like the storm was moving away but another clap, nearly as loud as the last one made them both jump and Roger grabbed hold of his arm.

"It's okay, Rog. It has to move away sooner or later. I don't like it much, myself."

"Rog?" Brian peeked under the pillow and even though the room was dark there was enough light to see the blue eyes staring into his, unblinking. "Are you awake?" Brian thought the blond was asleep with his eyes open the way he was staring.

He was surprised when the drummer gently put his finger on his lips. It was an odd sensation and he couldn't move.

Roger moved his head slightly under the pillow and closed his eyes as his lips touched Brian's. The kiss was so light it almost wasn't a kiss. The blond opened his eyes and a few seconds passed before Brian gently pushed the blonds hair off his face and kissed him back. Again, the softest of kisses but his heart was beating quickly in anticipation of what was happening.

Another, bang from outside and the blond was in his arms, burying his head in the brown, curly hair and Brian wrapped his arms around the younger man tightly, without saying a word. After a few minutes they both fell asleep with Brian wondering if he was just having a really good dream.

Freddie heard the phone ring and waited for someone else to answer it but when they didn't he dragged himself up. It could be his mother, after all. The call was for Brian, though and he told the caller to hold on.

"Bri?' He knocked softly on the door and opened it slowly. He didn't expect to see his guitarist and drummer wrapped in a close embrace under the covers.

"Okay, then.' He closed the door and shook his head before going back and asking the caller to call back later.

For a few seconds he stood outside the guitarists bedroom door and then putting his head to one side, smiled.

"Who woulda' thought?" He whispered and went back to bed.

Brian woke up to an empty bed and lay there for a few minutes with his arm behind his head. It hadn't been a dream because there had been a couple strands of long blond hair on the pillow beside and the bed was still warm. He smiled to himself and then sighed. Now what? Would they both have to ignore it happened. One, no, two kisses.

"Fuck, Bri. More problems." he turned his face into the pillow and could still smell Roger's shampoo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you like this story :)


	3. Street Fighting

"He's gone? What do you mean gone?" Brian felt panic rising up in him.

Freddie shook out his newspaper and frowned at him. "Like gone to get bread and butter for breakfast and his smokes 'gone'. The singer shook his long dark hair and went back to his newspaper.

"Oh." Brian felt foolish now and sat down. "I thought... never mind." He peered into the kettle to see if there was enough water for tea. Of course not. He started to refill it.

"What was that racket last night?" John stood in the door way, sleepily fluffing up his hair and yawing. He watched Brian fill the kettle and nodded as he sat down and stared at the front of the newspaper headlines.

"Rog or the storm?" Freddie murmured and lowering the paper raised an eyebrow at Brian, who missed the gesture, before retiring to his paper.

"Oh, right. Rog gets a bit girly about the thunder." John said it seriously and was surprised when Brian glared at him.

"What?" The bassist pulled his head back. "He does get girly. He admits it. No secret, there." He scoffed and reached for two mugs off the counter.

Just then they looked up as the flat door opened and closed and the heard Roger mumbling about the rain and cold and where were the fucking matches. All three looked at each other and rolled their eyes as a windswept blond drummer appeared in the door way, shaking off his wet jacket and frowning.

"Did you forget the bread and butter, beautiful one?" Freddie looked at the blonds empty hands. 

Roger shook his head as if annoyed with himself and went back into the living room to retrieve the carrier bag with the bread, butter and another newspaper. There was always a fight in the morning over the paper so having a second one to share was advisable because Freddie wouldn't let his go till he'd finished it.

"Great! I'm starving." John grabbed the carrier bag and started emptying it and Roger threw his jacket from the doorway towards the couch and they all heard it fall on the floor, which he ignored.

"I was just saying to Bri and Fred...." John started to say and got negative looks from the two men which he frowned at.

"I was just going to say that was a hell of a storm last night." He finished and shook his head questioningly at the two older musicians.

"Yeah, I guess." The drummer pulled up a chair and sat down. "I'd rather have coffee." He announced and looked at Brian who shrugged and got up.

"Who was your slave last year, Rog?" John hugged the blond who nudged him back but not as gently.

Brian smiled. He really didn't mind waiting on the blond. He knew he'd had a shitty nights sleep and was just acting like he always did. It was self protection and where other times it could annoy him he thought he was getting to understand why, now.

Brian hadn't expected the sweet smile he'd actually gotten from the blond when he sat the coffee pot down in front of him and he was glad the the other two hadn't noticed because John, especially, could be sarcastic. 

"Thanks, Bri." Roger stared at the pot waiting long enough for the coffee grounds to work their magic. He hoped it would wake him up because they did have a busy day ahead and he hadn't slept that well. He's been aware all the waking moments that it was an odd situation being in bed with the bands guitarist even if he had known him for years. It was so intimate and odd but for the life of him he couldn't have moved away even if he'd wanted to. And he hadn't wanted to which had surprised him.

Something had made Roger smile suddenly and he blushed looking up at Brian and then away. The older musician, for his part had no idea what had caused the blond to smile but somehow took it to mean last night wasn't a total one off. He hoped not and that surprised him, too.

Later that evening.

"Brian!" John was waving from the doorway of the pub at the taller man who put down his pint on the bar and followed the bassist outside.

"What's up?' He looked at the younger man and then in the direction John was looking. Roger was about to get into a fight with a couple of yobs it looked like and though the blond could fight with the best of them he didn't need to injure his hands just before a recording date. But it was too late the first punch was thrown and the blond being outnumbered got a punch full in the face and then the gut before the two strange men ran off.

"Fuck, get Freddie." Brian shouted and ran over to the collapsed drummer who had fallen onto his knees with his head on the sidewalk. He was so still Brian thought he was dead but heard a low moan come out of the blonds mouth as he reached him.

The two younger men were across the street, feeling safe to shout some taunts before running away. 

"Fucking wankers." Roger whispered and Brian knew if the blond physically could he would have gone for them. 

"You were just outnumbered, Rog." Brian put a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Do you think you can get up?" 

"Don't know. Hurts." Roger hated to admit defeat. He'd been bullied at school for his looks and had made himself play rugby and other sports just to toughen himself up and he hated at failing. Really hated it. But he was glad it was Brian with him.

"Take your time." Brian crouched beside his friend, thankful no one from the pub had come out to see the little scene accept John and Freddie who were standing close by now. 

"We better get him home, Bri." Freddie suggested and John nodded. 

"I tried to get him away but he was determined." John sighed and felt bad for what had happened but you couldn't budge Roger once he was angry. "He just came out for a quiet smoke and they were there. Usual stuff." John shrugged and the singer nodded sympathetically. 

"It's okay, Deaks. He doesn't like anyone rescuing him. We all know that." Freddie said but seemingly Brian was allowed to rescue him, it looked like.

They had managed to get Roger onto his feet after a few minutes and after asking him repeatedly if he needed to go to the hospital they walked slowly home with him. Roger, amazingly let Brian put an arm around his shoulders to keep his knees from buckling under him. The blond wasn't all that sure that he hadn't been hurt inside but he would never admit it. Looking the way he did meant he had to be tougher than the others and then occurred to him that he hadn't exactly been tough the night before during the storm.

No one had said anything when Brian had taken charge when they got home and got a bowl of warm water and a face cloth as well as antiseptic to take care of the cuts on the blonds face. He'd made the drummer get out of his clothes which were dirty from falling on the street and into pyjama bottoms.

"Sit still, Rog." Brian held the damp cloth away till the drummer sat still and then gently dabbed at the bruises and cuts. The injuries had done nothing to take away from his looks. Brian had to admit that the blond was breathtaking and not even in a particular feminine way.

"Aah!" The blond complained but kept still, his hands clasped on his drawn up knees. "Stings." He whispered and tried to smile but even that hurt.

"Fuck, Rog." Brian scoffed and stopped, holding a cotton ball with antiseptic on it mid air.

"What?" The drummer asked innocently and then blushed.

"You scared me, that's what. Scared all of us." Brian swallowed hard. It had just crossed his mind that the blond could have been seriously hurt. People get killed in fist fights. he got tears in his eyes thinking about it.

"Bri? Are you okay?" Roger put his hand on the guitarists. "You've got tears in your eyes, mate." He said it without scoffing.

"Yeah, I just...never mind." The taller man coughed and went back to what he was doing.

"I should thank you for last night. I was being an idiot. Sorry." Roger pressed his lips together and winced as the liquid stung him.

"S'okay. Really." Brian smiled. "It was kind of loud." he admitted. "There, all done." Brian put the last of the cotton balls on the tray next to the bowl of water and sighed. He wished he could do more. He didn't care if John and Freddie would probably tease him about playing nurse. 

"Stay a bit, yeah?" Roger whispered and lay back against the pillows, making a face as his stomach muscles pulled.

"Lets have a look, Rog." Brian nodded at the covers and the blond nodded obediently and pulled them down exposing his flat but bruised tummy.

"Does it hurt to touch it?" Brian asked and the blond shrugged. It was an open invitation for Brian to touch the smooth skin and he felt himself feeling things he'd never felt before as he gingerly put two fingers lightly against the flesh.

"Oooh, yeah. Hurts." Roger nodded. "But no worse than it ever has." He chuckled and tried to make light of it. 

"Well, see in the morning, otherwise we better get you to the doctor, okay?" Brian raised his eyebrows and the blond nodded as he slid back against the pillows. 

"Do you want to read? I can find you a book." Brian looked around at the untidy room. "There must be a book in here somewhere." he chuckled.

"No. Just talk to me for a bit, yeah?" Roger yawned and half closed his eyes. 

Later, as John was going to bed he nodded his head towards Roger's half open door. Freddie came over and looked over the bassists shoulder. Roger was fast asleep, his head on the pillow and Brian who was sitting on the floor next to him was also asleep with his head on the side beside the drummers arm.

Freddie rolled his eyes and said nothing. An idea was forming in his mind. If Brian was falling in love with Roger it could only bring hurt to someone and the someone was most likely going to be Roger.


	4. Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger finally tells Brian about his childhood and it brings them closer together.

Brian had woken with a crick in his neck and stretched his arms above his head. Roger was fast asleep, the covers pulled up to his chin. Brian watched him for awhile and then looked at his watch. It was nearly 2 am. He got up and went to his own room, undressed and got into bed. He lay there for some time going over the conversation he had had with the drummer.

He couldn't quite remember how it had started. The story Roger had told him, at first in bits and pieces and then more as the drummer realized Brian really wanted to know and wasn't just being polite.

They had gotten round to the subject of the thunderstorms and Roger had told him that when he was about 10 a bolt of lightening had hit the road just a few seconds after he had crossed it and he had run in crying from the shock of what could have happened. His father had become angry with him and lifting him by his sweater had held him against the wall and told him not be such a baby, that worse things happened during the war when bombs were dropping. Roger hadn't even been able to explain that it wasn't the thunder but the lightening that he had narrowly missed. After that he had just kept his fears to himself or told his mom. Never his father.

"Rog, I'm so sorry about that. That was really insensitive of him." Brian wanted to take hold of the blonds hand. To put his arm around him and tell him it would alright.

"Doesn't matter anymore, I guess." Roger whispered and looked like he was fighting back tears.

Brian felt so bad for him. He himself had such a blessed childhood and a good set of parents that he couldn't imagine the world of hurt Roger had gone through. He was sure there was more to it than that incident and he wanted the blond to feel comfortable in talking about it when he was ready.

They had sat together quietly till they'd both fallen asleep so much left unspoken but the older musician didn't want to push it.

"Bri?" Brian opened his eyes and looked towards the door where Roger was standing, looking sleepy, his hair an attractively untidy mess over his bare shoulders.

"C'mon." Brian lifted the covers and moved over. It felt so natural for some reason. Probably, because he'd thought about it happening so many times.

"Okay?" Roger hesitated before getting under the covers.

"Absolutely." Brian said softly and pulled the covers over them both, letting the blond snuggle into his chest. He held his breath just enjoying that first feeling of deliberate contact from the drummer.

"Need a hug?" Brian had his arm outside the covers and when the blond nodded he smiled to himself and slipped his arm under the covers, feeling the warm skin touch his made him almost gasp. H pulled his head back to look down on the fair head and could just see the tip of Roger's nose behind his hair. It was such an intimate moment that he hoped it went on as long as possible.

"Talk or sleep?" Brian finally whispered. He could tell Roger wasn't asleep and wondered if he wanted to tell him more after the story last night.

Roger heard the question and realized he was in a unique situation. The others would be asleep for another couple of hours and he wanted to take advantage of having the older man's undivided attention, physically and emotionally.

"Talk?" The voice was muffled against the guitarists chest and if either of them so the humour in the situation they didn't let on.

Brian loosened his arm and drew back a little as he inwardly smiled. Roger had frowned at the movement and pushed his face back into the guitarists chest.

"Talk later. Sleep now." Brian chuckled and brought his arm around again.

"So, what's happening about the party?" John shook the corn flakes box and peered into it's interior before pouring the few crumbly flakes into his bowl. "Roger's turn to shop?" He raised an eyebrow at Freddie who dismissed the remark with a wave of his hand.

"I'll write a list. We can all go." The singer drew a pad a paper out of the kitchen drawer.

"Bog paper." John mumbled through a mouth of cereal. "And something for Roger to cheer him up." He added.

"That's sweet, Deaky." The older man remarked and received a withering look from the bassist.

"Just trying to cheer him up, a bit." John rolled his eyes.

Freddie nodded and wrote a few things down but as he looked up and over John's head he saw Brian's door open and Roger appear, wearing pyjama bottoms and a sleepy, just woke up look. The singer decided in a second to not even let what he saw compute in his brain and he looked down on his list before the blond could see him.

Brian was in shock. He and Roger had spent the last hour talking. There had been tears from both. It has been no doubt cathartic for the drummer but Brain's mind was still trying to digest the story of Roger's younger life with an abusive parent who was definitely mentally unstable. And that was the problem for Roger. The mental instability. The drummer was afraid it would happen to him. He didn't want to get married and have children because of it. He didn't want to get anywhere near the age his father was when it became so apparent. He was basically terrified.

The story had come out in bits and pieces as Brian had held the blonds hand in his and listened, trying not to show the shock he felt. Rogers father, thinking that the young child was afraid of the thunder had gone out of his way, on numerous occasions had stood under his son's bedroom window in the middle of the night, banging pots and pans to duplicate the sound. Hence, why he dove under a blanket even at his age, now.

Then there were the beatings that he took when defending his mother and sister and too many other things for the older musician could even comprehend. The fact that the drummer was reasonably sane after all that was amazing.

Brian had held the blond tightly after all these revelations and tucked his hair over his ears and kissed his forehead before grabbing some tissues from the nightstand so that he could blow his nose.

"I'm sorry." Roger sobbed into his neck and Brian shook his head that there was nothing to be sorry about. He wished he'd known him them so he could have protected him.

"Don't Rog. Please don't be sorry. I'm your friend. This is my job, yeah?" Brian said softly. "Okay, love?"

"I guess. Thanks." Roger sniffed and wiped his eyes. "I feel like such a dork." He sighed. "I didn't mean to tell you all that but once I started I couldn't stop." The blond gave a shuddering sigh and let Brian pull him even closer as if trying to protect him now.

"Rog, did you ever go to counselling?" Brian asked gently.

"Yeah, I did. It helped. It's just this birthday thing. It made it all come back." The drummer whispered almost to himself. He felt that he should move away from Brian. To stop putting the burden on him. He still fell shitty even after telling his friend everything. It hadn't helped as much as he thought it would. Well, maybe just a little, he thought. The best part was this physical part and that surprised him more than anything. He and Bri in bed together. Sure, it wasn't like they were having sex but it was still nice. Really, really nice.

"Maybe, you should consider it, again." Brian pulled his head back and looked at the blond. The dark lashes were wet with tears and were glistening. He watched as he felt the drummers face push into his neck as if this was his therapy.

"Yeah, maybe. Sleepy, now." Roger closed his eyes and wrapped an arm around Brian's waist. He didn't know where this was going. Maybe, nowhere. But he did hope it would go somewhere. If only he didn't feel so shitty.

Roger, had been unaware that Freddie had seen him leave Brian's room. He headed straight to the bathroom to shower and change. He thought he might go see his Grandma Taylor who lived just outside of London. He needed to talk to her about something. He had to make a decision. There was so much more he wanted to tell Brian. Not about his father but just how he'd been feeling lately about everything. But he didn't want to overload the older musician. He thought he might just be falling in love with him and he didn't want to scare him away.

Brian lay in bed, his arm behind his head for ten minutes, giving the drummer time in the bathroom. Roger showered a lot but was always quick and never left the bathroom in a mess. But there was a reason for that and the guitarist winced thinking about the restrictions put on the blond when he was young. His father standing outside the bathroom, timing him. In any other household it would have been funny. A joke. Dads bad sense of humour. But Roger's father didn't have a sense of humour.

"Brian?" Freddie looked up as Brian came out of the bedroom and turned to head to the bathroom. "Can you help me do some shopping later? I have a long list." He waved the piece of paper in the air and Brian chuckled.

"Yeah, give me half an hour." Brian agreed and went down the hall. Roger passed him, a towel wrapped around his waist, his hair damp.

"Hi." Roger smirked and thinking quickly pulled Brian into his bedroom and shut the door.

Brian was too surprised to react. The drummers arms had wrapped around his neck and the shorter man had stood almost on his toes to kiss him, very softly on the mouth before opening the door for him to leave.

The guitarist stared at Roger's closed door for a moment and a slow smile crossed his lips. "Fuck." He whispered under his breath and hummed to himself as he turned on the shower. All he could think about was that kiss and the feeling of his hands on the blonds hips.


End file.
